Touch

You can touch but you can never feel. But unless you feel, the act of touching is meaningless isn't it? Isnt Touch: The act of putting two things together with no space between them. heh

So i think about stuff in life that i would never be able to touch (feel). But why think of something thats not going to happen? why not think of something thats not surreal and something closer to reality. But what if i say i am fed up of thinking of the reality surrounding me. I fight it in my sleep, on my desk, in my thoughts, in my mind, in my head, in my talk, in my senses. In my heart i don't like it. but then this cannot be a story just like that. Its like watching a play from the middle. You just assume what might have happened in the past. If this is reality then i fail to acknowledge it at all. it cannot be because it means nothing.

So my reality is a result of some past which i don't recall but the nature does? well it sounds like giving up to the twist of fate or irony of fate or karma but nothing else makes much sense. Frankly i don't care about what happened in the past because my mind cannot read it, its been recycled. So u pay for something u dont even know. And then you hope u repay with each fading hope. You stand up, try n hope "oh this might work now". But perhaps the past is too steep. I dont regret it. If given a chance to find out the reason i wouldnt want to know. i would only want to know the reason about stuff in this present life form. but then that again is like watching the play from some tme interval to the other.

This was supposd to be the best years of my life? Youth remember? But Youth fades away like shadows into the night with each hole in the soul, heh. If i survive and grow old in my life, i would have changed much. The fun element has been deleted from my script. So even if i get all the riches or all the fun its not going to be worth it. I often think if this is really worth it all? Dont know where my Ayn Randism is in this moment of weakness.

I would trade that for one smile, one Touch, and possibly one *hug*. As the time flies by, as the world turns, as the world runs and wins yet again everytime i hear stories. i sit, i wait, for that one moment. That one touch, that would make me real.

Can you picture, what it will be? Ohh So limitless and free...