I Grieve

I am not a Date Centric guy. I am not anything centric guy i guess. Randomness is what suits me best i guess. In life we can be this centric or that centric, have this plan or that plan, but life has its own plans and it can beat us to our knees if we walk against the tide. So When we try n forget all about it and flow with the tide then there is no laughter,no grief, no swimming against the tides, no swimming with the tides. We are then like a lotus sitting in its own bloom.

I think i digress a lot. May be because i just drift in my randomness to certain extremes at times. I know no one reads this page and random visitors would never understand what the whole thing is all about and neither am i writing for any audiences here. So may be i can digress, it doesn't matter much.


Ive loved winter, ive loved the winter rain, i like the dry cold, i like the autumn, the fall that precedes the winter, sometimes the chill hits me through my spine, its like someone stabbing a knife in your soul. I have spent a lot of time standing alone in the chilling winter nights on my terrace. There is the fog and the odd plane and the distant ember lights and the silence and the smoke and the reflections. People sleeping in their warm cosy beds, waiting to get up another day and follow into their routines. Only thing i kinda dont like is the fog. I dont hate it but i just have this one memory associated with it and it kills my spirit everytime i think about it (and subconciouslly its always on my mind).


But that night was something different. It was surreally real. It wasnt how it was supposed to be. It wasnt how it was always been earlier.
I still feel the touch.

The nights wont be the same again, the cold wont be the same again, the fog wont be the same again, the chill woudlnt be the same again, the hugs wouldnt be the same again, life wouldnt be the same again.

May be we'd never meet again and may be id never be able to come out of my failures and my past but that one moment is frozen in my memory for ever.

I live with it in my darkness, i live with it in my silence, i live with it in the moments when i sit and wait, i live with it when i glance and hpe to see a flash of LED from my phone in the dark room. Id live with it even when the fears turn real

It was all so different then...

They say life carries on
Carries on and on and on and on?

But I cant find any relief

I grieve for you...