So its getting a routine affair? The days ahead would answer this strange wierd thing ive felt today. Again a draining sesion at the gym, followed by another major low. I could almost break down after i was coming out. This was supposed to give me a momentary high, an adneraline rush or whatever but its not working for the last two sessions atleast. Is it the feeling of going back to the same shit everyday? But i try not to think about that so it could not be that i think. Or may be its the music or the people? I did a very draining cardio session today but my body doesnt feel drained now. Its wierd.
Some people like to talk while doing weights. Some do it in groups to help motivate them and lift more than their partner i guess. I trained alone today. I dont like to talk while i train. I hardly talk during the day anyway.
On a different note, i think i now know whats going to happen. I can now see it. Its not a gut feeling thing but i can almost visualise the future. Dont ask me what i see because it makes my soul cry. Its the worst feeling in the world. A feeling of loosing, a feeling of silence and taintedness, of the may be's, the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all.

One year from now? Ive been in this hole for the past 3 years. does anyone know? does anyone care? Its killed so much in me that i dont have much to look forward to. Each road you take is one big mistake. I think i'll be gone soon but would it end all this? I have no idea.